Follow the Crumbs ...

As Ashley walks out of her Kindergarten room, she pops her thumb in her mouth.  She shuffles across the blacktop of the playground to where the girls and I are waiting.  She drops her pink and black backpack into the basket of the stroller and leans into me.

"How was your morning?"

"Fine."

"Did you have fun?"

"Yeah."

"Are you hungry?"

Head nod.

"Ohhh-kay.  Let's go."

Lydia skips along the sidewalk to the van.  Ashley rests her hand on the stroller handle and labors along beside me.  Lydia hops into her seat, chattering away at Baby S.  Ashley slumps into her car seat and leans to the left, looking out the window.

"Hang in there, Honey.  We'll go home and have lunch right away."

Little Le-Le is so much like her Daddy in this way.  When she's hungry, she's worthless.

I'll skip over the next 15 minutes for you.  It's too painful to relate.  Let me sum up:

She's hungry.
She doesn't know what to eat.
She's grumpy.
She cries a little.
She sucks her thumb a lot.
She can't make a decision.
She lays on the kitchen bench.  A lot.
She's moany and groany.

(At this point, Brett would like me to insert the following:  He isn't quite this worthless.  He usually doesn't cry.  Thank you.)

Eventually I manage to convince her that sitting up, blowing her nose and having some toast will make her feel better.  Within a few moments of the cinnamon toast hitting her stomach, she perks up.  She turns to her snacky-plate, finishes her toast, dives into her yogurt and munches on some red grapes.  All the while, the events and excitement of her day pour from her little mouth.

"I played with Karsyn today.  We climbed on the jungle gym and played on the swings.  We practiced writing the letter "L" and we counted all the way to 51.  Did you know that we've been in school for 51 days?!  We learned a song today in music class, do you want to hear it?"

Whew!  Just like her Daddy. :)  Give them a little food, a little something to eat, and they are re-energized for the rest of the day!

....

I head upstairs with my second load of laundry.  On the top step, someone has put a baby doll to nap.  I manage to wriggle one foot between the "bed" and the diaper bag filled to the brim with random paraphernalia - including what looks like my yummy lotion from my bathroom.
Grumble, grumble ...

I walk into the bathroom to find the two hand towels have leapt from their bar.  Again.  They lay in a damp, crumpled pile on the floor.
Mumble, mumble ...

I hear the screeches and screams coming from the basement.  Added to that are wails and howls.  As I open the louvered door at the top of the stairs, I spy two little people wrestling over the purple exercise ball.  One little screamer has the other howler by the hair.
Grrrrr ...

I stomp into the family room.  The girls are resting in their rooms.  According to the clock, I have about 45 minutes until someone will need me again.  I plop onto the couch.
Sigh ...

What a day!  I'm frazzled, frustrated and fuming.

Lately my days have been feeling more exasperating, more exhausting, than usual.  What's the deal?
It's the same kids, same situations, same busy-ness ... but a significantly different attitude.  What's the root?
As I sit on the edge of the couch with the sun stretching across the carpet toward my toes, I sink back into the cushions.  What am I going to do, God?

"Follow the crumbs ..."

Hmmm ... what was that again?

"Follow the crumbs ..."

The story of Hansel and Gretel comes to mind.  In an effort to find their way home, they sprinkled bread crumbs on the path.  In an effort to find my way back to my preferred role as Mom (the one that doesn't grumble, mumble, grrr or sigh) I need to follow those same crumbs.  And find my way back down the path that has led me here.

As soon as I pause and stop moving, it becomes obvious.  I think back through my last week and I can't remember when the last time was that I read my Bible.  Sure, I had read the devotion with the kids in the morning and I'd been tossing up "popcorn" prayers throughout the day, but apparently it had been over a week since I took time to settle into God's word and hear from Him.  My busy-ness had gotten in the way of this important quiet time and my busy-ness was beginning to suffer.

In the same way that Ashley (and Brett) need food to function well, I (dare I say, we) need spiritual food to perform well.  I can see the same link between toast and Ashley's exuberant recounting of her Kindergarten adventures and my Daily Bread and the energy I need to be the Mom I want to be.

Food meets our needs, be it a snacky-plate for lunch or God's word.  If you're feeling grumpy, irritable, crabby or dumbfounded, the odds are you're hungry.

It's time to follow the crumbs and get fed!

⁹ “This, then, is how you should pray:

   “‘Our Father in heaven,
hallowed be Your name,
¹⁰ Your kingdom come,
Your will be done,
   on earth as it is in heaven.
¹¹ Give us today our daily bread.
¹² And forgive us our debts,
   as we also have forgiven our debtors.
¹³ And lead us not into temptation,
   but deliver us from the evil one.’

(Matthew 6:9-13)