small things {thumbs}

small things #65 ... thumbs

"Please take your thumb out of your mouth."

"Thumb, please."

"Sissy ... is your thumb in your mouth?"

"Please don't just pop your other 

thumb in your mouth."

"Thumb out, please."

This is is the current mantra that I should have recorded and embedded into a little button to wear on my shirt to play on an as needed basis.  And right now it's needed.  A lot.

She's my last baby to quit sucking her thumb.  The trouble is that she's no longer a baby.  But she doesn't seem to care and that's the rub.

We've tried an seemingly endless list of tricks and tips to help her stop:  

the yucky tasting stuff - "No problem, Mom, I'll just lick it off."

band-aids on her thumbs - "That's okay.  I'll suck my pinkie instead."

mits to wear at night - "My fingers get sweaty so I take 'em off and tuck 'em under my pillow."

I've talked to her about how no other first graders suck their thumbs to which she responded with a shrug.  And a thumb in her mouth.  And if anyone else (a stranger, perhaps) points out her thumb in her mouth, she smiles past her thumb, slides her hand to her lap and waits for them to walk away.  She just doesn't give a hoot.

She doesn't care and I can't make her care.  It's just another addition to my long laundry list of things I can't make my kids do:

I can't make them eat.

I can't make them go to sleep.

I can't make them poop and pee.
I can't make them have a good attitude.

I can't make them want to do anything.

In my ten years of parenting, I've often thought about how brilliant it would be if my kids were more like robots.  Wouldn't that be easier?  A few little key-strokes and voilà! ...

Tantrum resolved,

Peas eaten,

Bedroom spotless,

Diapers gone,

Attitude adjusted,

Chores finished,

Homework complete,

Thumb liberated.

But in reality they are their own little selves, not robots for me to program and de-bug. ...sigh... 

That brings me to the conclusion that there is something more to the day-in and day-out challenges of parenting than just getting our children to do what we want and act as we want.  We are not simply nipping bad habits and halting annoying quirks.  We are training, disciplining and teaching our little people with the purpose of developing mature and self-disciplined bigger people.

Bigger people who will be smiling, confident, happy, self-controled, non-thumb-sucking adults before we know it!

The key here is prayer - for them and for me.  Prayer for them to navigate this time of growing up and stay close to Jesus.  Prayer for me to love them where they're at and usher them along ... focusing more on their hearts than their habits.  And prayer for a good measure of patience in the middle of it all!

Thumbs ... just one of the many teachable moments in which my kids have taught me.

______________________________________________

#1 - Share something your child taught YOU about parenting.

small things {mvp's}

small things #47 ... mvp's

A few weeks ago, Brett came home and almost walked back out the door and drove away.  And I wouldn't have blamed him one bit.

The kids had been nutty.  The kids had been pestering.  The kids had been pushing one another's buttons.

And nutty, pestering button-pushers make for one crabby Mom.

My knee-jerk reaction had been to send them all to their rooms to clean.  But I knew that eventually they would have to come out and I would have to come up with a long-term plan for helping them to play nicely together.  Or at least to eat.

As Brett and I sat at the kitchen table following dinner, I unloaded all the garbly-gook that we had endured all day.  All the ways they had driven one another crazy and all the ways that I felt crazed.  (How Brett didn't make a break for it at that point, I have no idea!)

Essentially it all boiled down to one simple fact:  We weren't working as a team.

• Rather than helping clean up in the afternoon, I felt like I was cleaning up around them.
• Rather than being quick to jump in the van, I felt like I was herding them along from behind, reminding them of shoes, snacks and potty breaks.
• Rather than sitting and enjoying lunch together, I felt like I was referring a wrestling match with grabbing hands, bossy elbows and boisterous voices.
• Rather than chipping in with chores, I felt like I had to plead and beg for help around the house ... only to listen to sighing and grumbling and stomping feet.

I felt like I was on the losing team.  An awful feeling for certain!

While part of me wanted to discipline the kids for their unsportsmanlike conduct, I felt God leading in another way.  A better way.

I know I don't really like to have the whistle blown when I make a mistake or to have a big finger pointed at me with the pronouncement, "Foul!  Five minutes for fighting!"  More often than not, I already know when I've messed up.  What I truly appreciate and what motivates me more is to hear when I've done well ... atta-girl's and way-to-go's and good-job's inspire me to work harder and do better.

And the same goes for my kids.

God's prompting to praise my kids' good behavior as they practice good sportsmanship led us to celebrate a daily MVP - and we've experienced an incredible change in the attitudes in our house!

My job is to simply be on the look-out for the kid who is most on the ball, most motivated to help, most quick to obey ... the most valuable player of the day.

The kids' job is to be on their toes, work on their teamwork and play by our house rules.

At dinner I share the reasons why I chose that particular kid, write their name on the MVP chalk board and we celebrate with high-fives all around!  On more than one occasion it was such a tough decision that we got to celebrate all the kids ... that's a fantastic change-up.  

A true Cinderella-team transformation!

MVP ... most valuable player and the most validating plan for rebuilding our team!

Time-Warp ~ Help!

A number of years ago, I made this little slideshow for our MOPS group.  I love these little snapshots of my babies when they were, uh ... babies.




As I watch this again, the overwhelming feelings of needing help in the midst of this mothering gig come back in waves.  And chills.  And cold sweats.

Oh, wait.  Maybe that's because while the demands and challenges of mothering change as our kids get older, there are still demands and challenges.  And a lot of toe nails to trim.

If I were to produce a remix of this video, much would be the same.  But I'd have to add ...

Help me with my homework.


Drive me to school.


Take me to gymnastics.


Soothe my tender feelings.


Braid my hair.


Unknot my shoe laces.


Hug me ... but not in front of my buddies.


And you?  What would would be scribbled on your white board?

Snapshots of Spring Break ~ Creativity

Today is our last day of our Spring Break Stay-cation.  Bummer and Whew ... all in one breath!  It was fun and it was filled.  A most definitely fun-filled week with my kids.  Here's the first installment in this week's series Snapshots of Spring Break.

On Monday of last week, we headed to Hobby Lobby with a cash in my pocket and a list of crafty thoughts.  And spent all the money and made it all!

Before the paint started flying!  Look how clean they are. 

Ashley had several craft projects that she had received on her birthday so she was busy painting her music box and designing her little bling-covered butterflies.  She was so happy glitter glueing and sequining everything in reach.

I had a jewelry box with the dancing ballerina, too!

We painted wooden napkin rings that were personalized for each family member.  We even did a few extras for guests.  That way when you come to visit you don't have to worry about getting one of the nasty cloth napkins from the kids ... the one sealed shut with syrup.

Meticulous stripes.

Look at the smile on that happy crafter!

Aaron even worked on a paint by number - for a few numbers.

We make little clay figures.  And plenty of large clay figures.  After several hours of forming ladybugs, hearts and daggers, we peeled the plastic table cloth off the table and kitchen benches and tossed all the clay crumbs and dusty bits in the trash!  More about those little creations in a later post.

My favorite project was making cement stepping stones with the kids' handprints in each one.  They each added their own unique touches ... and trinkets.

Aaron's ginormous hand ... and an itty-bitty Lego guy.

Norah's handprint with one of her
gymnastic medals nestled inside.

How old is Ashley?  I think she's six. And she added the most bling to her stone.

Lydia's handprint turned out great ... her picture?
 Well ... let's just say that this was the best one.

During this intensely artistic day I confess I had moments of, "Don't touch anything!" and, "Hands up until I get you a paper towel!" and, "Nobody move!"  Please take note of the exclamation points ... they were used appropriately.  At one particular moment during our painting time, Aaron was headed to the sink with a thoroughly coated paint brush.  As he walked along, he kind of twirled the brush like baton.

"Hey, Buddy.  Be careful with that brush.  You don't want to drip paint."

"Okay, Mom."

Sitting at the table, I spotted him out of the corner of my eye rinsing his brush.  And flicking the brush up and down with paint flying up, down and all around.

"Hey, Buddy!  Watch it!"

"What?"

He looked at me with obvious frustration on his face.

"Don't flick it, just let is sit under the running water."

"O-kay-ay."

"Hey." Deep breath, "I just don't want you to have to clean up a mess around the sink."

He then proceeded to walk to the refrigerator and wipe his still-paint-covered paint brush on my green checkered towel.

"Aaaahhhh!  Don't!"

"Uggghhh!  What am I supposed to do?!"

I stared at him in disbelief for just moment before launching into a bit of a mommy-tirade ...

"What do you mean, 'What am I supposed to do?'?! Use. Your. Paper. Towel."

Shining Mommy Moment ... twinkle, twinkle!

He shuffled back to his seat and I felt bad.  There is nothing quite as terrific as getting reamed while you're supposed to be having fun!

Looking back on this moment I am reminded with a grateful heart that this isn't how God operates.  He doesn't zing us when we mess up.  And He doesn't expect us to already know how to do everything.  He gave us His Bible for the purpose of giving us the necessary instructions and directions in life and then He gave us His Son for when we blow it anyways.

¹⁶ All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful 

for teaching, rebuking, correcting and 

training in righteousness, ¹⁷ so that the 

servant of God may be thoroughly 

equipped for every good work. 

(2 Timothy 3:16-17)

This is the same way I want to train up my kids ... with clear instructions and a lot of grace.

This 45 second interaction was a vivid reminder for me that my kids still have a lot to learn and I still have a lot of years to instruct, remind, forgive and re-direct.  And instruct, remind, forgive and re-direct.  And ... instruct, remind, forgive and re-direct.  That is the patient and persevering job of a parent.

And I'm in it for the long-haul.  With God's help.

⁴ Fathers [and Mothers], do not exasperate 

your children; instead, bring them up in the 

training and instruction of the Lord.  

(Ephesians 6:4, addition mine)

Breath of Heaven

Monday evenings can be doozies.

This past week, was one of those.  It was the piranha hour (affectionately named after the habit of my kids to nip and nibble at each other and my nerves) and my carnivorous fish were especially hungry.

Aaron was bickering with Lydia about her affinity for de-constructing his Lego creations.  Lydia was standing her ground with two handfuls of her big brother's building blocks tucked behind her back.

Ashley due to her unfortunate bemoaning of how booooorrrring our house was, found herself spot cleaning the kitchen floor ... and sniffling.

Baby S had her little lamb in a head-lock and was talking loudly, "You wanna piece of me?  Huh?  Huh?"

The Lego war was escalating, Ashley had moved on to complaining about having no one to play with and the wrestling match between Baby S and the lamb had come to a dramatic and fussy end.

I checked the clock ... 5:15.  ...sigh...

On Mondays Brett stays to pick up Norah from gymnastics which means that I had almost an hour and a half before my reinforcements arrived and when they did get here, they would be starving.

I headed to the kitchen to get dinner started and found a sink full of dishes still waiting to be washed.  ...sigh...

I didn't want to join in the piranha feast so I took a deep breath, turned on Pandora and slipped on my yellow rubber gloves.  The first couple Christmas songs began floating through the house.

I have truly enjoyed the past couple of weeks, seeing my favorite carols and Christmas songs with fresh eyes and sharing with you here how they can each point us back to Jesus and the manger.  Even "A Holly Jolly Christmas"!  Now as I stood at the sink, with steam fogging up the window, my heart wanted to turn back to the mystery of that first Noel, but my day (this piranha hour, specifically) was getting in the way.

My kids were grumbly ... and I could feel myself headed that way, too.
But, could I really use the typical challenges of motherhood as an excuse to grumble?

Not with a clear conscience.  I know for a fact that Jesus will help me to keep my head, if I keep my eyes on Him.  This Monday was a perfect opportunity to put this truth to the test.

A renewed squabble in the living room erupted suddenly and without taking the time to remove my bubbly gloves, I separated the feuding fish, sent them off to the "Great Learning Box" to do some learning (both of them wiping down door knobs while holding hands ought to teach them something!). Upon my return to the sink, I found Ashley engrossed in coloring (whew!) and Baby S was chewing fiercely on little lamb's leg.  I decided to take these few moments to put my pent up frustration to good use and scrub a dish or two.

From the iPod came the following words ... "breath of heaven, hold me together" ...

"Yes, Jesus, hold me together.  I don't want to speak or act rashly.  I don't want to share this frustration with my kids.  Hold me together.  Hold me together."

As promised, I could feel the tension dissolve.  (Remember that dish detergent commercial where one little drop chases the grease away ... something like that.)

My kids might still be pecking at my last nerve and it was still an hour before my knight in shining armor would be home, but with my heart tuned to Jesus, my perspective was renewed.  And my spirit, too.

I am not alone in my mothering, even when it's five against one.  Jesus is always present with me.

Here are the rest of the words to that song:

Breath of Heaven
I have traveled many moonless night
Cold and weary, with a babe inside
And I wonder what I've done
Holy Father, you have come
And chosen me now
To carry your son

I am waiting in a silent prayer
I am frightened by the load I bear
In a world as cold as stone,
Must I walk this path alone?
Be with me now
Be with me now

Breath of heaven
Hold me together
Be forever near me
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Light up my darkness
Pour over me your holiness
For you are holy

Breath of heaven

Do you wonder as you watch my face
If a wiser one one should have had my place
But I offer all I am
For the mercy of your plan
Help me be strong
Help me be
Help me

Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven
Breath of heaven 


Now ... I can't relate to every line in this song.  I do not currently have "a babe inside" and my recent travels have been by van, but nearly every other verse resonates with me.


That sense of carrying a burden, a load, in mothering is huge.  I am raising, training, shepherding and shaping four little people ... helping them discover their passions and purposes for life.  No pressure there.  "How can I be trusted with these important people?"


Loneliness in the midst of my herd of children is frequent.  I long to be both alone and in the company of adults with the same intensity!  That random juxtaposition puts me in a pickle on a regular basis.  Brett offers for me to have time on my own and my response often is, "But, I don't want to be alone...what would I do?"


Self-doubt is no stranger to me.  Whether it's mothering, writing, friendships or helping at church and school, I find myself asking that question, "Who, me? Am I the right person for this?  Did you make a mistake, God?  Do you want a do-over?"


All of the answers to these questions are found in the chorus ... Jesus.


He will breath life into mine ... through the power of the Holy Spirit.
He is by my side in the midst of every task ... the cleaning of the house and the raising of the kids.
He promises to be a light to my path ... illuminating my days with truth.
He is my strength when I feel sapped ... empowering me to respond to my mothering challenges with wisdom and self-control.
He is my help ... no matter the time of day or trouble at hand.


I am grateful that in the midst of this challenging job of Mom, I have the breath of heaven holding me together.  And I hope you do, too.

Time-Warp Wednesday

Being a parent is a lot of work.  I know, I know ... that is not news to you.  But sometimes the work of parenting overlaps with the joy of parenting.  The love of parenting.  The fun of parenting.

Even when we carve out time for a family vacation, that treat of a little rest and relaxation is hemmed in on every side with the demands of parenting.  Just because we are out of town doesn't mean that we are out of our role of being the boss.  We might have run away for a quick break, but we can't run away from the responsibility of continuing to train up our kids.

No matter how dearly you would like to temporarily hang up your Mom-Hat, those kids over there still belong to you.  Yep ... those little crazy kids trying to bury their sister in the sand ... they are yours.  We don't really get a vacation from parenting because it's a full-time job.  You invest yourself into your brood 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 52 weeks a year.

But sometimes, God might surprise you with a little break ...

We took advantage of the long Labor Day weekend to take a mini-vacation over to Denver.  Our principle reasons for this trip were to see Gramps & Grammy, enjoy a change of scene and take in Les Mis.  All of us had been anticipating this trip for months.

We were prepared mentally to be in full-parenting-mode.  When you travel as a herd, you are bound to find yourself in more than one occasion having to be the Alpha-Animal.  We want to enjoy our kids and we have found that if we keep up the usual routines and expectations, everybody has more fun.

But sometimes you have to shake things up.

On Saturday, Gramps and Grammy suggested we take the pack down to the zoo.  Seeing as Brett and I had envisioned staying home and staying busy, this prospect of taking a family safari trip (and really wearing out our little beasts in the process) was a fantastic idea.  Little did we know what a terrific day was in store!

The weather was fantastic!  After enduring the desert high 90's for most of the month, we reveled in the cool breeze with the temperature in the mid-80's.  We got to be outside and not dripping with sweat.  That was a win!  The kids actually suffered a few bouts with goose-bumps during lunch and had to move to the sun.  Poor babies!

The animals were animated!  Oftentimes our experience at the zoo is walking from exhibit to exhibit, peering through the fences and trying to count how many tigers are laying in that far-off pile of striped fur.  Or perhaps reading the signs on the exhibit walls which explain that due to the soaring temperatures, the polar bears/hippos/rhinos/lions/tigers/bears (oh my!) are all staying indoors where it's cool.  This time, however, we watched as the snow leopards batted and battled for the plastic ball in their cage - they frolicked like any ordinary pair of house cats.  We stood for 15 minutes watching spider monkeys scamper through the tree tops.  We laughed at their antics as they hung from their feet and tails, peering into the food baskets and lounged on the tree limbs.  We marveled at the appetite of the giant turtle as the zoo keeper skewered whole chicken breasts and fed the aquatic beast.  We giggled as the baby orangutang practiced her climbing skills and her momma hid under a white sheet. (I could completely relate to that poor mommy!)  It was the most interesting trip to the zoo I've ever had!

The kids had fun!  We were amazed at how well our kids did.  And for how long they kept having fun.  We had anticipated leaving shortly after lunch, but actually found ourselves leaving closer to dinner time.  We were prepared to adhere to our nap schedules, but found that we didn't want to interrupt the day's fun!  This was a refreshing change for us as a family - not having to squeeze a day's events into a 4-hour time period.  It also gave us a taste of what the post-nap-era might be like ... and it was good!

I do have a Time-Warp snapshot to share with you and it's not from this past weekend.  It's from Christmas of 2005.  In reminiscing about past zoo trips, this is one of the most memorable.

The Denver Zoo celebrates Christmas, too, by decorating the exhibits (not the animals) with twinkling lights.  They extend their hours into the evening and families come out in droves to see the animals and decorations.  We went that year with Aaron (age 3 1/2) and Norah (age 2) and Gramps & Grammy.

I believe Ashley was also along for this trip
... she's the bump under my winter coat.

This trip was a bit more work for obvious reasons (their ages) and another surprise reason (everyone looks the same in a winter hat and coat).  It was fun to see the lights and decorations, but it was alarming to see so many little people wearing red or pink coats.  I'm just glad that when we got back in the van, the two little kids under those winter caps were mine!

That is not a real giraffe. :)

Keeping the Magic Alive

While in Wisconsin, we spent one evening enjoying the thrills and spills of the Tommy Bartlett Show.  Not familiar with that?  Well ... imagine a circus on water skis ... complete with a ringmaster, silly skits, daring escapades and Aqua the Clown.

As we sat watching the motorboats jet by the stage, I was torn between watching the thrilling stunts and watching my children's faces.

As one water skier flew over the jump and did a spin in the air, Aaron's eyes  got big and round, "Whoa!  I've gotta try that sometime!"

As the lovely ladies skimmed across the water poised on one leg in an arabesque with their raised leg looped through the tow line, Norah's smile spread from ear to ear.  I could almost hear her thinking, "Ooohhh, something else I could do in a leotard."

As the water skiing pyramid glided past, Ashley smiled past the thumb she was sucking on.  Her eyes lit up ... "Hmmm ... that's taking cheerleading to a whole new level."

As the roar of the jet boat roared around the river in an oval, spraying water in its wake, Lydia covered her ears and grinned.  "Loud!"  Liddy likes loud.

Each aspect of the performance grabbed my children's attention.  Whether it was the danger or the glitter or the noise, they were riveted to the "stage".  The magic of this event captured them.

Unfortunately, as I've grown into adulthood, some of that magic has lost its sparkle.  While I am still in awe of the feats of daring that we watched ... no one I know would fling themselves over a jump set aflame ... I was also aware of the overly-scripted monologue of the ringleader and the "oops, we missed the boat" cover-up by the performers.

While it truly was a well-done show, it was just that.  A show.

I was also struck by sense that while this show is celebrating 60 years of "Livin' the Dream" ... not much has changed in those 60 years.  Of course, there are fresh and young entertainers, but they are performing many of the same stunts that performers 60 years ago debuted.  There might be more bling, more flashiness and more splash, but essentially not much has changed over the course of this show's life.  Day after day ... show after show ... splash after splash.

It was an exciting show for us, but I had to wonder if the magic has been lost for the performers.

Isn't that the way with life?

As a kid, my future was dazzling.  What would I do?  Who would I marry?  Where would I live?  All magical possibilities.

Now as an adult, those BIG decisions have been made.  I'm a mom.  I'm married to Brett.  I live in the desert.  And some days are a little low on the sparkle-factor.  My life can feel a bit like a show that just goes on and on ... and on and on.

The same "stunts":

Watch as Mom makes dinner (again) while keeping the youngest from terrorizing the others by allowing her to "help" in the kitchen.  She is boiling a pot of pasta and trying to cut up vegetables without putting her toddler in danger but at the same time keeping her contained.  Can she do it? ... Yes!  She did it!  And the pasta didn't boil over!

The same "daring feats":

Now Mom will attempt to go to Wal-Mart with all four of her children ... and come out without anything that isn't on her list.  Watch carefully ... she's nearing the check-out line ... she's almost there ... Ooooh!  She buckled!  She said, "yes", to a pack of gum.  She was so close!  Better luck next time!

The same "daredevil attempts":

For the grand finale, Mom intends ... to make a phone call.  She has made a quick survey of the home and it would appear that all the children are occupied which should ensure a successful performance.  Look at that focus.  She's dialing the number.  She's waiting for an answer.  Uh-oh ... did you hear that? Someone is calling for her from the living room.  She darts around the corner into the kitchen.  Someone answers on the other line ... she exchanges a few pleasantries, but she looks worried.  And for good reason ... the children are headed her way!  They are all talking.  That little one is banging on her leg!  She's cornered against the stove!  What is she going to do?!  She's trying to hold on, trying to listen and respond, trying to make her way out of the kitchen ... she did it!  She has escaped to the bathroom!  Well done!  Such suspense!

Yeah ... I can't imagine much of a crowd paying for a ticket to watch that! :)  But it's true.  So painfully true.  Unless ...

If I make it a point to see my life as mom, wife and desert-dweller not just as a wing-and-a-prayer performance, but as a carefully orchestrated and significant existence, my perspective is utterly transformed.  

No longer do I see my attempts to keep Lydia contained as an endless trial, but as an opportunity to study and train up my little girl.

No longer do I see my repeated trips to Wal-Mart as agonizing, but as teachable moments to model good manners, cheerfulness and self-control.

No longer do I see my challenging phone calls as frustrating, but as occasions to remind my children of respect, boundaries and patience.

Of course, I still find myself frazzled, frustrated and fried, but I don't have to settle for that.  With God's help, He is guiding me to be more the mom He wants me to be and giving me the opportunity to re-capture some of the magic of motherhood.  It is a comfort to know that I'm not on my own in my parenting.  According to Isaiah 40:11, God is gently leading me along as I navigate this role as Mom.

I don't want to just go through the motions of mommying with the hopes of wowing the crowd!  And I don't want to lose the magic of having front row seats to the adventure-filled lives of my kids. 

Here's to 60 years of me "Livin' the Dream" and parenting my kids with bravery and grace ... and hopefully a little bit of sparkle!

The Not-So Lazy River

During our vacation to Wisconsin, we stayed pretty wet.  And not from the humidity.  From the first hotel night, through the five days at the condo and on through the birthday party upon returning home, we only had two days were weren't suited-up and splashing.  That's a lot of pool time.  A few kids were at risk of sporting gills.

On our first full day at the resort, we visited one of the indoor water parks on the campus.  One of three ... we enjoyed them all by the end of the week.  This particular park, Klondike Kavern, was designed along the lines of the gold rush, complete with the water-filled Bonanza Bluff play area and Sulfur Springs spa.

This was also the location of the not-so-lazy Bonanza Brook.  My nemesis.

After the first hour of sliding, splashing and sloshing around, Brett headed off with Aaron to brave a few trips down the tube slides.  That left me with the three little girls who all wanted to float around the lazy river for a bit.

Before heading to the landing to intercept a couple of tubes, I strapped the two littlest girls into their life-jackets.  And I'm so glad I did.

We stepped down the stairs into the brook/stream/rapids and snagged two double inner-tubes.  Norah plopped down in the hole of one end of a tube while Ashley climbed into the other side.  They both smiled and giggled.  I lifted Lydia into the hole opposite me and she peered over the edge of the tube at me and grinned.  We were set for some fun.  At least until we pushed off into the deep.

Within just a few seconds, we went from fun to frantic!  As the current pushed us along (and the fellow tubers bounced against us) I could quickly see that our strategy wasn't going to work.  Even with the life-vests, Little Ashley and Tiny Liddy were dangling down in their respective holes, teeny fists gripping their tubes' hand-holds and still sorta-smiling through the clear plastic float.  It was obvious that I needed to get them up onto the floats, but how??  We were in motion and they were slippery.  And I'm short.

I grabbed a hand hold of Norah and Ashley's float and put on the breaks (i.e. my feet that fortunately reached the bottom of the pool).  Then with my body, I wedged my float up against theirs to stop them from floating away.  There was a potential for us to create a traffic jam, but everybody else was just going to have to go around!

First I managed to hoist Lydia up by her life-vest so that she was straddling the tube.

"Ride it like a horsey, Liddy.  Okay?"

"Eee-haw."  ...big smile...


Then I turned to the other girls.  Norah looked nervous and Ashley was still hanging there with a grinning grimace plastered on her face.  Are we having fun yet?!  I reached over to try and grasp her hand but my arms were too short.  I couldn't get a good grip.  I felt a little panicky, but I knew that Mommy needed to keep her act together ... so that grinning grimace didn't turn into tears.

With my calmest voice I addressed Norah:

"Honey, I need you to help."  Yeah ... I need you to help lift your sister who weighs as much as you do, plus a few extra pounds due to the sodden life-vest.

"Can you go under and push her up?"  Yep ... go underwater ... in this current ... and push that bricks-in-her-britches kid up.

"Please."  Mommy is pretty helpless here ... literally, out of her depth.

Norah's response?

"Sure!"

She dove under the tube, hoisted Ashley up until she could swing her leg over the tube (Eee-haw!) and then monkeyed herself back into her hole.

Smiles again ... this time for Mommy, too.

We entered back into the flow and found ourselves surrounded with familiar faces.  Some of our family floated by and an uncle latched onto Norah and Ashley.  I sighed (and shuddered ... a little post-traumatic stress released) and finally began to enjoy Bonanza Brook!

Let the laziness begin!

This experience is actually a pretty good illustration of how I sometimes feel in parenting.  There are times when I find myself on the bank of a new adventure or a new season in mommyhood ... ready to jump in, but not sure what I'm actually in for.  From the edge of the water, it looks like fun.  Maybe a few bumps.  Maybe a few rapids, but with my tube, I anticipate it will be smooth sailing.

Then I get into the middle of the current and find myself in over my head.  My feet can't find the bottom of the river, my hands seem too slippery to hold on for long and the current is pushing me along whether I want it to or not!  This new stage of mothering is not what I thought I was jumping into!

In these moments, I have to trust in others to keep me afloat.

I have to trust in friends and family.  So often I have fellow moms and other family members who offer to help and instead of accepting their assistance, I hear the words, "It's okay ... I've got it ..." come out of my mouth.  And then there I am bobbing up and down gasping for air instead of benefiting from the blessing of their rescue.


I have to trust in my kids.  They amaze me sometimes with their resiliency and maturity.  On more than one occasion, I have floundered in my parenting and been rescued by my own little people.  Whether they are extending grace, a helping hand or a fresh perspective, I find myself back on secure footing and seeing my kids in a whole new light.


I have to trust in God.  He promises to keep my head above water ... my own personal Life-Saver according to Isaiah 43:2, "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you."


Parenting is a wet and wild ride ... but if we surround ourselves with the right people, if we are willing to accept a little help, and if we are resting in our Life-Saver it can be both fun and memorable!

Delightfully Diaper-free!

Last week I celebrated being diaper-free after nine years of wipes, changes, blow-outs and bottom ointment.  And it is a celebration, indeed!

Here's how I got here ...

Operation: Potty Pro

Be prepared ... it's not for the faint of heart, body or mind!  Even from this distance of a few months ago! :)

________________________________

Writing Prompt #1 ~ Six word memoir.  Elaborated .... in this case, it's also elongated and exhausting!

My Name is Getting Tired!

We are in our second full week home from school ... and my name has been hollered from every room in the house by every kid and what seems like every minute of every day.  Most recently ... about 45 minutes ago when I was trying to start my breakfast ... Norah yelled my name repeatedly for 30 seconds from the bath tub.  I don't think she even took a breath.  And it wasn't an emergency.

So, we need to work on that, I think.  Or else I run the risk of running away!

Here is a post I wrote last fall ... and it has inspired me to crack down on this drastic over-usuage of my precious name.  Hopefully it will ...

- help you to see that you are not alone in sometimes hating the sound of your own moniker,
- encourage you to train up your kids to use your title respectfully, and
- give you a good laugh!

Enjoy!

That's My Name, Don't Wear It Out!

Narcissistic Nines

We have gently joked that our oldest is our guinea pig-child.  But it's 100% true.

From the very first moments of his life, we have been blindly bumping along in our parenting, feeling out the territory and making choices based on our "vast" experience and background as Mom and Dad.  And just when it appears that maybe we've figured something out, we discover that either our plan doesn't actually work, or the kid gets a bit older and the new parenting skill is obsolete.

Then we store away that experience with the hopes that it will help with the next kid (because who wants to re-invent the wheel?) and take the next parenting step with our ever-growing boy.  With new Mommy-skills to adapt and a steep learning curve to overcome.

Fortunately with each kid, many of our tested and true tools of parenting could be used again.  With each kid we have been able to look back and see what worked and what didn't (a lot of what didn't, really!) and put in to practice our plan while making sure to tweak it a bit according the personalities and temperament of each kid.

That means ...

We've wowed our way through the Wonderful Ones ~ marveling at how in just 12 mere months a helpless, mewing newborn is transformed into an on-the-move toddler exploring their world every minute of the day.  One mouthful at a time.

We've trudged through the Terrible Twos ~ which weren't really terrible.  The truth is that those little people are just trying to learn the ropes of this life ... and then testing us to see if we'll catch them!

We've thumped our way the Thoughtful Threes ~ where the toddlers are figuring out their little world and they hunger to learn more through the endless and mind-numbing repetition of the question, "Why?"

We've fought for our authority through the Feisty Fours ~ when our little people think they have the world figured out and start asserting their independence.  That looks a lot like tantrums and fits ... but really they just want to know who the boss is.  (That's you, by the way!)

We've firmed up our family foundation in the Fascinated Fives ~ giving our kids a safe place to come back to as they begin journeying out into the "real" world of Kindergarten and Organized Sports.  They want to experience everything ... and we want to be there to experience it with them.

We've sashayed our way through the Sassy Sixes ~ little people wanting to be bigger than they truly are. And being stinkers sometimes!  With lots of love and lots of limits, we seen our kids move through this year smoothly.

We've been in stitches with our Silly Sevens ~ goofy kids developing their personalities, their interests and their senses of humor.  As long as we don't take their drama too seriously, we have all enjoyed this season of silliness!

We've earnestly prayed for our kids through the Eager Eights ~ eager to be big, eager to be independent, eager to be successful in all they do.  Unfortunately, they are still little, they still belong to us and they still make mistakes ... hence the prayer.

Now, we are navigating new waters with our Narcissistic Nines ~ and I'll be honest ... it's been a little rough.  On a daily basis we are having to remind our boy again and again that the world does not indeed revolve around him and on a daily basis, he seems surprised.  And a tad bit disappointed.

Astonishingly ...

• Mommy doesn't want to play three levels of StarWars III for Mother's Day.
• If you're really hungry for breakfast, you still have to wait for us all to sit together and pray ... just like every other day of your life.
• It's a good idea to wait your turn to speak, even if your question/concern is super-duper important ... like if you can check "Tap Zoo".  That means not talking Mom while she's on the phone.  Or when she's on the potty.
• If the mail doesn't contain anything for you (i.e. the newest Lego catalogue), it still needs to be brought in and not left in the lawn.
• If you like to have help when you need it, chances are it would be appreciated if you would jump in and help when someone else needs it.  That would be your sister asking for help.  She's right behind you.  She crying, "Help, please."
• If Mom is talking to you, she means for you to actually listen and then respond ... even if her information isn't in the form of a video game or TV commercial.
• It's entirely possible that you are the only one in the van who wants to hear "Jesus Freak" for the 5th time in a row.  I'm just throwing that out as a possibility. :)

Truthfully, Brett and I are still getting a kick out of our kid, sometimes at his expense ("Really?  Didn't you just ask to play video games 3.2 seconds ago?  C'mon, Aaron-Boy, use your noggin!") and sometimes because he knows he's being silly ("Wouldn't it be easier to make your bed if you put the book down first?  Just asking?").

Each age has its own challenges and triumphs; its own bumps and smooth spots; it's own highs and lows.  And I'm sure we'll sail through this age, too, and end up with a few more tools in our toolbox for when the girls reach their Narcissistic Nines.  By then ... Aaron will be on to his Egad Elevens!

Egad, indeed!

What If ...

Growing up, we read a lot of Shel Silverstein.  And honestly, I wasn't quite sure about that guy.  His drawings looked like something I could have done - a little bit childlike.  His poems were pure silliness (sometimes mixed with a little bit of creepiness) - perfect goofball humor for elementary-aged kids.  And his picture on the book jacket confirmed to me that he was a just a little bit different - what was with the furry beard and bald head?

But I was hooked on his words and can still remember some of my favorites ...

Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me Too

"Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too, 

Went for a ride in a flying shoe ..."

The Beard

"My beard grows to my toes, 

I never wears no clothes, 

I wraps my hair, 

Around my bare, 

And down the road I goes."

The Hat

"Teddy said it was a hat, 

So I put it on. 

Now Dad is saying, "Where the heck's

the toilet plunger gone?"

Reading back through his books with my kids ...

I'm still not sure about that guy!  Still childlike, silly, creepy and goofy, but now I see how he appealed to the kids and the adults alike and managed to entertain us all and even educate us a little.  And give us all a good chuckle/shudder/snort!

One poem in particular, has truly stuck with me and I find myself repeating it back to myself periodically.

Whatif

By Shel Silverstein

Last night, while I lay thinking here,

some Whatifs crawled inside my ear

and pranced and partied all night long

and sang their same old Whatif song:

Whatif I'm dumb in school?

Whatif they've closed the swimming pool?

Whatif I get beat up?

Whatif there's poison in my cup?

Whatif I start to cry?

Whatif I get sick and die?

Whatif I flunk that test?

Whatif green hair grows on my chest?

Whatif nobody likes me?

Whatif a bolt of lightning strikes me?

Whatif I don't grow taller?

Whatif my head starts getting smaller?

Whatif the fish won't bite?

Whatif the wind tears up my kite?

Whatif they start a war?

Whatif my parents get divorced?

Whatif the bus is late?

Whatif my teeth don't grow in straight?

Whatif I tear my pants?

Whatif I never learn to dance?

Everything seems well, and then

the nighttime Whatifs strike again!

Having a nervous nelly-belly, I remember a lot of those same Whatifs visiting me at night when I was growing up!


Lately, however, my Whatifs have taken on a different look.  A bit of a "What If Mommy Didn't" look.


I don't know about you other parents, but doesn't it seem like you spend an inordinate amount of time picking up, straightening up, and putting back around your house?  And more often than not, it's not your stuff?!?


On any given day, I have to wonder ...

• What if I didn't pick the shoes off the floor that almost just barely made it into the shoe bin?
• What if I didn't wipe the ginormous crumbs off the table that somehow fell off someone's plate?
• What if I didn't carry upstairs the 2 1/2 pairs of socks that someone left on the bottom step?
• What if I didn't scoop up the random pile of Legos from the dining room floor before vacuuming?
• What if I didn't hang up the sweatshirts that repeatedly jump off their hooks?
• What if I didn't wipe the crunchies off the kitchen bench ... the ones nobody else seems to mind sitting on?
• What if I didn't put the stool back where it belongs, instead of in the middle of the hall?
• What if I didn't wipe the nasty glob of toothpaste off the countertop ... right next to the gooey smear of hand soap?
• What if I didn't put the gallon of milk back in the fridge?
• What if I didn't clear the half dozen board books off the couch and from behind the pillows?
• What if I didn't hang up the sodden towel on the very available bathroom hook?
• What if I didn't gather into the trash all the semi-used Kleenex from someone's bed?
• What if I didn't pick up the baseball cap and glove and ball and bag from the dining room?
• What if I didn't re-straighten the pillows and blankets haphazardly strewn across the couch?
• What if I didn't hang up the pj's and toss the dirty undies in the hamper?
• What if I didn't re-shelve the library books that have escaped the bookshelf?

What if?  What if?  What if?


I think it's very likely that the kitchen would be grungy, the floor would be littered and the general cleanliness of our house would give me a twitch.  


But ... maybe, just maybe, I'm missing out on some very teachable moments with my kids.  I know that I don't give them enough credit for what they are able to do and I know that sometimes I don't give them enough opportunities to prove they can be responsible.  Too often I think that it's just easier for me to pick up the socks, toys, towels and books rather than setting that responsibility back on their little, but able shoulders.  In reality, it's a disservice to them for me to continue to clean up after them.


So ... here and now (raising my right hand) I am committing to handling this "What If?" problem a little differently.  Instead of picking up the Barbie or StarWars action figure and putting it away, I going to put it in my "Buy Back Bin".  Instead of re-hanging the towels or sweatshirts, I'll put them in my "Buy Back Bin".  Instead of saving the Legos from the vacuum and putting them away, I'll put them in my ... say it with me ... "Buy Back Bin".  Instead of tidying up the couch, throwing away the Kleenex or returning the milk to the fridge, I'll notify the guilty party and they can do it, plus a job from the "Great Learning Box".  There's the potential for this to be a little more work for me, but I have to remember that it's an investment in me not spending the rest of my life picking up after my kids!  Especially since they are all 100% capable of doing that job themselves.


With the number of items that I step over on a daily basis, I think I'm going to need a bigger "Buy Back Bin" and a few more chores in the "Great Learning Box"!  But, I think I'll also have a few more minutes in my day, a few less grumbles in my mind and heart, children learning the benefits of responsibility ... and a really clean house!


Want to join me in the "Wipe Out the What Ifs" crusade?  It promises to be rather liberating!


_____________________________________


I wrote this post on Saturday (in the throes of a "put your stuff away" mommy-tantrum!).  We had a brief pow-wow while sitting around the breakfast table and put the plan into immediate effect.  Currently the "Buy Back Bin" contains two shoes (that don't match), a pair of flip flops, some random toys, a light saber and someone's slightly damp bathroom towel.  But, I also have three kids who are significantly more aware of their own things (out of fear of losing them, no doubt) and a tidy-er home.  Now if we can just keep it up!