small things {progress}

small things #69 ... progress

Date:  April, 2012
Location:  MOPS meeting (correction:  on the way to MOPS meeting)

"Mommy?  Where we going?  Where kids going?"

"The big kids are off to school.  Say, bye-bye!  And we are off to MOPS."

... silence from the back seat ...

"Are you all buckled up?  Here we go."

"Mommy?  I, I, I don't want, want to go to MOPS!"  Her explosive sobbing makes her stutter.

"I know, Honey.  But you are going to have a great time, okay?  You get to play with Nancy and the other kids ..."

"I. Don't. Want. To. Go. MOPS!  I stay with you.  I stay with you, Mommy!"

We pull into the parking lot of the church.  Lydia's passionate sobs have progressed into hopeless sniffles.  Her protests have a touch of resignation to them.

"Mommy?  You stay with me?  I go to big church with you?"

"You can come with me for a little bit while I put my purse at my seat and then we'll go to your class.  Got it?"

Liddy blows her nose, grips my hand and shuffles to the church.  A few minutes later, her grip tightens as I check her into her four-year old class.

"I'll be back in just a bit.  You're going to have so much fun.  Look!  They have puzzles!  You are a good puzzler.  Here ... I'll get you started and then you can finish it."

"Mommy ..."

smooch ... "I love you!  Have fun!"

I successfully disentangle myself, but her pouty lower lip breaks my heart.

Fast forward six months ...

Date:  September, 2012
Location:  Kayla's House (correction:  Kayla's driveway)

"You are going to have such fun with Kayla!  I think you girls are going to go to the park."

"You no have to come in Mommy.  I go in myself."

"Uh.  I think I will get out with you and say hi to Miss Kim."

"I don't need your help.  I'm big."

She hops out of the van, grabs her water bottle and giggles with Kayla all the way to the garage.

"I love you ... have fun."

She didn't even turn around.

Progress ... the bittersweet and inevitable journey our babies make from "Don't go, Mommy!" to "See ya."

small things {fleeting}

small things #64 ... fleeting

I open my eyes and I close my eyes and I open my eyes again to find that I'm awake.  And I'm alone.  Mommy said that she was going to nap with me, but I don't think she did.  I push back the comforter and swing my little chubby legs off the side of the bed.  I have to slide my bottom off the edge of the bed a little bit until my barefoot toes reach the carpet.  I rub my eyes a few times and stagger toward the stairs.  Why didn't Mommy nap with me?

I use my hands to help me navigate the steps - one, two, three, four, five, seven .... I push open the basement door and peer up the stairs to the living room.  I see my Mommy stretched out in the rocking chair, shoes off and eyes closed.

"Mom ... Mommy ... Mommeee," my words come out stuttered with my sleepiness.  "Why didn't you, why didn't you nap with me."

Her eyes open and she smiles.

"Hi, Sweetie.  I came downstairs, but you were already asleep and I didn't want to wake you up."

"You said.  You said you would sleep with me."

"I know.  Did you have a good nap?"

I blink a few times and try to focus my drooping eyes.  "I wasn't asleep.  I opened my eyes and I closed my eyes, but I didn't sleep."

My bottom lip starts to quiver and I feel hot tears press against my eyes.  "You said you'd sleep with me."

Mommy tilts her head to the side and holds her arms out to me.  She turns sideways in the rocking chair and I crawl up and fit into the hole she made for me, sprawled across her lap with one arm flung over her shoulder.  I sniff my nose and wipe it against her shirt.  She sighs and pats my back as I nestle into her arms.  It's warm and quickly I feel a bit sweaty and sticky squeezed in beside my Mommy but I don't want to move.  I enjoy the rise and fall of her own breathing and the way she gently tickles my arm.  She whispers, "I like you," and I smile into the crook of her neck.

I hope Mommy naps with me tomorrow.  Doesn't she know that these chances to snuggle and sleep together are short-lived?

Fleeting ... kids grow up too fast.  I'd better take advantage of snuggle sessions while I can.  Before Lydia declares, "I think I'll just read by myself."

Slow down, Little Missy!

Ashley turns five in a little over a month and a half.  But you would think it was actually her tenth birthday we were preparing for!  In the past several days, we have seen in our little girl an intense urgency to grow up ... and I need her to put on the brakes!

Today as we prepared to go to the grocery story, Ashley packed her purse with her chapstick, a little money ("Just in case.") and her plastic cell phone.  What she thought she could buy with two pennies, I'm not sure, but she was going to be prepared.  She proceeded to make a number of phone calls to her friend, Kylie and even arranged a sleep over.  Then Kylie called back and Ashley complained about how often she calls and texts her (something I don't even know how to do) ... and said she would just let her leave a message.  Eventually we arrived at the store and she insisted on bringing in her purse because she, "might need to make a call."  A little too real for me, thanks!

Is her purse big enough?

Little Le-Le has also taken to making herself a school lunch in the morning.  Just like Aaron and Norah's.  She makes herself a sandwich and pops it in her little, princess, sandwich keeper.  She serves up a little yogurt in a mini-tupperware dish and grabs a plastic spoon.  Then she gets a baggie for her goldfish and another little container for her grapes.  She finishes up by filling her own little water-bottle with some juice and snags a sweet treat for later.  All this gets plopped in her paper sack which she sets in the fridge for later.  When lunch arrives, Lydia and I have to fend for ourselves while Little Missy unpacks her lunch and dives in!  I think her favorite parts of her meal are the juice drink, sweet treat and clearing her containers to the sink ... just like the big kids.

Note the Jolly Rancher ... she wanted to make sure it was in the picture.

Last week, Ashley rediscovered the game "Pretty, Pretty Princess".  Not because it's a fun game to play, mind you, but because of all the bling.  She loves to wear the necklaces, the rings, the bracelets and the earrings.  All four colors sometimes.  In fact, we played the actual game the other morning and it was tough to keep track of how close she was to winning because she had on her regular bling in addition to her extra bling she was earning on her turns.  By the end she was fully decked out ... and really quite sparkly.

The crown might be a bit much. :)

Yes ... my little girly-girl is eager to grow up.  About as eager as I am for her to stay small. :)

Fortunately, I do have the consolation that she still wants to be my little girl ... for a little while longer, at least.  The other day we were chatting at the kitchen table.  She was working on some homework and I asked her if she was excited to get to go to school next year.

Ashley:  "Oh yeah!  I can't wait to go and do work."
Me:  "Good.  But I'll miss you."
Ashley:  "Well ... I'll come home.  Like when the teachers are done, I won't sleep there."
Me:  "That's good news.  I want you to come home."
Ashley:  "Yeah ... I will.  Until I go to college.  Then I won't."

Ouch!  How will my mommy-heart handle that?!?  Let's just say that I'm grateful that she is only turning five and that I have several more years with her until I have to drop her off at her dorm and say goodbye.

So, you better slow down, Little Missy!  I need you to stay my little girl just a little bit longer ... like until you're 30.  Then I'll let you go. :)

My sweet, sweet girl

My Baby Girl

My sincerest apologies to all you "babies" out there ... the last kids of the bunch ... the littlest sibling that will forever be 12 years old.  We mommies can't help it!
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Happy Birthday, Sweet Baby Liddy!

My little Lydia turns two tomorrow.  How did the time fly by so fast?!?!?  Right before my very eyes, my baby is big .... -ish.  :)  She's still my baby and she's still little, but she is quickly leaving all her baby-ness behind her.  Just this past Sunday, I realized as I dropped her off at the church nursery that this was her last Sunday with the babies.  This coming Sunday she will be with the bigger kids.  Eek.  No baby in the nursery.  Ever again.  I got a little choked up.  

It started me thinking about all the other "lasts" that we have experienced and the "lasts" that are still to come here in our home.  There was a speaker at MOPS a few years ago that talked about how we as moms celebrate every little first of our kids:  first bath, first solid food, first tooth, first step, first birthday.  However, we oftentimes fail to celebrate the lasts.  Probably because by that point our lives are shooting by at such an insane rate of speed that we miss them!  So today, I want to pause and celebrate a few "lasts" ... but, first I'll go get my tissues. :)

Somewhere along this road of growing up, my big kids stopped holding my hand to cross the street.  That is a "last" that I certainly miss:  their little fingers wrapped around mine; slow, little steps across the road, tightening my grip when they try to weasel away!  Every now and then Aaron will sidle up next to me and kinda leeeeaan in as we cross the street and periodically Norah will link her arm around me ... but it's not quite the same.  Even Ashley claims she can, "just walk close."  Sigh ... I guess that means poor Lydia will have to hold my hand until she's in her twenties ... maybe longer!

When our kids are potty training, we have always made it a habit to take our kids to the potty "just one more time" before we go to bed.  This has saved us from countless, middle of the night, bedding changes!  Sometime this summer, Ashley started getting herself up in the middle of the night to go potty ... rendering our potty breaks obsolete.  Suddenly we have three kids that take care of their own business.  Alone.  Successfully.  While I don't necessarily miss these rendezvous in the bathroom, there was something precious about holding my sleeping kids, listening to them mumble in their sleep and then snuggling them back into their covers with one last smooch.  While Lydia is still several months away from this potty-practice, I'm already projecting that this just might tug at my heart-strings.  She may need "potty-help" for awhile ... at least until she's old enough to tell me to mind my own business! :)

On November 1st, Lydia graduated out of the high-chair.  Mainly because of her persistent eagerness to sit like the big kids on the bench and because I was tired of cleaning it up and keeping her in it.  Imagine my surprise, however, when she screamed and cried upon seeing her booster seat on the floor ... and her frantic attempts to get it back onto the bench!  The only solution was to stick it out in the garage and go on with the meal.  Thankfully, she was quickly over the issue and happily sitting in her place ... but I think that deep down she perceived that this was some sort of milestone, too.  That, or she was being a turkey ... probably more likely the later.  Now we have all six of us around our table, on knees or bums.  The next to go will probably be the plastic dishes.  Already Aaron periodically asks if he can have a "real" plate or cup.  (That reminds me of a story a mom shared at MOPS about her kids excitement over getting to use a "human" plate ... just like the grownups! Ha! Ha!)  It's inevitable that my kids won't want to eat off of the Star Wars plate or drink from princess cups forever, but Lydia might have to use those cute monkey dishes for awhile ... not at college necessarily, but for awhile.

Just last summer when we were traveling across the state for a family reunion, the kids' music of choice was Veggie Tales.  We drove along singing, "At the Carwash" and "Jonah was a Prophet".  Then just the other day, we all loaded up in the van, turned the ignition and Junior Asparagus started singing "Bushel and a Peck" to which Aaron said, "Can we turn this off?"  What?  Since when did you stop liking Bob and Larry?  Now the kids ask if we can bring the iPod along when we run errands so they can listen to "I Gotta Feeling" by Black Eyed Peas or our theme song "Dynamite" by Taio Cruz.  Suddenly my big kids are too cool to listen to kid's music.  But I like Veggie Tales.  Pout.  Lip out. Arms crossed.  Fortunately, when the big kids are at school, the little girls still like to sing along with Mr. Lunt and Pa Grape.  Whew!  I wonder how Lydia will feel about dancing at her wedding to "I am a Promise" by Junior Asparagus? ...

Along the same lines, we have several DVD's that have probably played their last shows, and we didn't even know it at the time.  The cover jackets to Rescue Heroes and Mega Truck Adventures are pretty dusty!  I remember that Aaron and Norah lived and breathed those shows.  Daily.  Repeatedly.  While at the time, I was amazed that they could watch them over and over again and not be bored stiff; now I miss those simple stories and cheesy dialogues.  Now those have been replaced with Fineas & Ferb (admittedly a funny show) and Ben 10 (significantly less funny).  Fortunately, they have also fallen in love with Looney Tunes and seeing as I still like to watch that, we can be assured that this love affair will last awhile.  Still ... my very favorite Veggie Tale, "Lyle, the Kindly Viking" hasn't been played in ages.  Hmmmm ... looks like Lydia, Ashley and I need a snow day.  (You really need to go to this link and listen to the songs ... guaranteed to make your day a little more smiley.  "A turtle wearing pink pajamas!" Ha!)

I remember the first time we were able to turn Aaron's car seat around to face the front.  Ta-dah!  Now he could see where he was going instead of where he had been.  It was so fun to see his little smiles in the rearview mirror ... or why he was screaming like a banshee:  blanket just out of reach.  This summer we reached yet another milestone: Aaron graduated out of his car seat.  Now he just sits like a "regular person"!  It was terribly weird the first time I looked in the rearview mirror to see him sitting there:  no booster seat, just my boy.  It is great that we don't have to trade out seats for him anymore, but we are still deeply entrenched in the car seat era.  When someone offers to take our kids somewhere, first I cringe with the thought of transferring three seats out of the van ... and then I just hand them the keys.  "Here.  Take our van.  It's just so much easier!"  Someday we will graduate out of car seats all together and that will be amazing.  Our van will finally officially seat 7 ... instead of 6 and a tiny-hiney to squeeze between seats.  But that will also mean my babies are too big ... I wonder how big I can make Lydia's car seat.  Big enough to seat a 15 year old comfortably?

I truly enjoyed nursing my babies (once I figured it out!) and it was super tough to wean each of them.  While I knew I wouldn't miss the "available whenever you need me" aspect of breast-feeding, I knew that I would miss the cuddles.  When else in the lives of my children will I have regular breaks to sit and snuggle and kiss fingers and stroke hair (sniff, sniff) and whisper blessings?  Now they barely stop moving at bedtime for a book, a song and a prayer.  The other night, Norah actually did a backward roll to get to her pillow ... try to snuggle that!  After I weaned them, my babies moved on to sippy cups.  And now Lydia is trying her hand at big-kid cups.  She's just going to fast!  While I won't miss cleaning the valves and lids and making sure nothing goes down the garbage disposal ... I will miss the dryness of the sippy cups.  Since Lydia started preferring a big-kid cup, it's been a lot wetter around here.  And I have a regular load of rags on the washer.  I guess she has to learn like the rest of them, because she probably wouldn't take too kindly to having a sippy cup in her lunch bag in the 2nd grade.  Although ... maybe one of those with the nifty straw ...

I can't remember the last time I had to send Aaron, Norah or Ashley to the corner for a time out ... but, for Lydia, it was just about an hour ago.  My big kids have begun to figure out how our house works:  Listen and obey = Life is better.  It doesn't mean they don't end up with consequences, but they have big kid consequences ... and ones that help Mommy more.  Lydia, on the other hand, is still in the beginning stages of toddler training and so we are keeping it simple.  Disobey once = Verbal Correction, Disobey twice = Time Out.  She spends a lot of time in "Time Out".  A lot.  All I have to say is, "Go sit down." and she high-tails it to the nearest corner ... wailing and stomping all the way there!  And then the crying continues, accompanied by her heels thumping agains the floor angrily.  So lovely.  I do enjoy our "Do you know what you did wrong?" sessions, however; the times I get to cuddle her and send her off to do it right this time.  Her rendition of "Yes, Mama" ("Ma, ma, ma") is so sweet; her smooches are sweet and it's sweet to see her march off ready to try her task again.  The right way.  In spite of these sweet memories ... I am dreaming of the last time I have to send Lydia to the corner ... and I hope it will be before she graduates from high school!

Each "last" is inevitable.  Each "last" is a milestone of development and learning.  Each "last" is sign of independence and maturity.  But it doesn't make those "lasts" any easier on my mommy-heart.  I just want to be able to keep those snapshots in my mind and hold on to my kids just as they are today.  Remembering their baby-ness for tomorrow ... when they are crossing in front of the podium for their diploma, walking down the aisle with their true love and welcoming their own baby home.

Please pass the tissues!  sniff, sniff

It's a Small World ...

Snuggled up with my little girls the other night, we read a Sesame Street book called "It's Not Easy Being Big".  It's a fun book that tells about the woes of being too big, as shared by Big Bird; and the woes of being too small, as shared by Elmo.  Big Bird is too big to play hide and seek ... aren't those his tail feathers sticking out of that playground tunnel?  Elmo is too small to jump from rock to rock and ends up sitting in the middle of the stream ... too small to cross.  Poor guys.  In the end they discover that by being together they can balance each other out:  Elmo gets his kite stuck in a tree and Big Bird helps him out by lifting him  up to reach it.  It's a simple story, but I think that it speaks well to our family:  big people and little people.  All trying to get along.

One of the biggest challenges of having big and little kids is finding a way for each child to enjoy their own toys without issues.  Specifically:  without the Lydia-issue! :)  When our big kids were younger, we never had such wonderful contraband for the babies to get into!

Aaron and Norah are now the proud owners of some of the tiniest, teeniest little toys:  Polly Pockets, Star Wars action figures and Legos, to name a few.  Lydia loves to sit and inspect each piece, and while I'm not worried about her putting them in her mouth, I am worried about her putting them in her pocket and depositing them somewhere else .... lost.  Forever.

Ashley loves to craft ... Lydia loves to de-craft.  As soon as Ashley pulls out the craft boxes, Lydia comes running from whatever corner of the house she has been playing in and trouble ensues!  Lydia loves to color, sticker and cut just like Ashley ... she just hasn't figured out how to do that with her own creation.

For her birthday, Norah was the recipient of a glorious, silvery-purple bag full of big-girl goodies:  journal and pen; little glittery containers for her trinkets and lip gloss.  She has had to find the ultimate hiding place for this treasure or risk her baby sister "enjoying" it for her ... that lip gloss is tasty!

And, of course, there's the Mommy and Daddy toys that look like fun, too.  Lydia is completely taken with our computer, camera, phones and iPod ... and understandably so.  They blink, flash and make noise.  But they can also be scratched, dented, re-programmed and can dial 9-1-1.

In spite of the wonderful treasure trove of toys that Lydia does have access to ... it's the off-limit gems that are the most attractive.  Isn't that the way?

We also see this spectrum of big and little played out in the abilities of our kids.  There seems to be little that Aaron can't do physically:  ride his bike, scooter, shoot hoops, pour beverages, water plants, vacuum, and kick his mommy's bahookie at Wii.

Norah, too, is very physically adept, and not just in the gymnastic department.  She is great at folding clothes, setting the table, serving dinner plates, dusting and typing on the computer.

Ashley, on the other hand, wants to do a lot of those things, and yet finds that her skills are limited.  It doesn't stop her from trying or us from letting her ... but it often times results in some frustration and perhaps a mess.  Ashley's definition of folding her clothes is more along the lines of wadding them up and stuffing them in her drawer.  Proudly.  Setting the table can often be a haphazard placement of napkins, spoon, forks and plates.  Whose is whose?  It's anybody's guess!  And nothing is more frustrating for her than not being able to keep up with the big kids while riding bikes.  Poor girl has to hang back with her walking parents!

And then there's Lydia ... if success was determined by pure persistence, stubbornness and willpower, she could do anything.  Unfortunately for her ... she's only 2 feet tall and that does limit her!  Lydia climbed on Ashley's bike this weekend and if the seat were a tad bit lower, she probably would have taken off across the cul-de-sac.  She wouldn't have had a clue about steering, but she would have figured out the speed.  She also helped herself to some milk at the table the other day ... my milk.  She poured herself a cup and then some.  All I heard was, "splash ... trickle, trickle ... 'Uh-oh'."  (With Liddy being baby #4 ... I knew to get the camera first, then the rags.)

And nobody even cried. :)

The fact of the matter is that Ashley and Lydia are small.  Little.  Compact.  Half-pints.  And I love that.  They are still my wee ones, full of innocent wonder and fresh curiosity!  To them, their world is small ... this home, this family, this sphere of life ... it's all they really know!  I love when we drive into town and when coming over the hill, Ashley exclaims, "I can see the whole world!"  To her, that is true.  This is it ...  All she really knows!  And that's a blessing!

Their little hearts are not yet tarnished with the reality of our world.  Even Aaron and Norah are aware of divorce, abuse, drugs, and death.  We have had to have those conversations when they have come home from school with questions or confusion.  There is no way to shield them forever ... although Brett and I try!  Life tries to get them to grow up far too fast.  I hope that we have been able to give our older kids just the information they need to understand the ugly side of life, without over-burdening them with worries or concerns that their little eight- and seven-year old hearts can't carry.

But wouldn't it be grand if we could each hold on to the innocence of our own small worlds?  The simplicity of life of a little person:  carefree, untroubled, free from anxiety ... just looking for the next opportunity to be silly and giggle!

My goal is to try not to let this world with its burdens weigh me down.  Not an easy task, but definitely an important one.  Jesus told us in Matthew 6:33-34 that each day has its own trouble, so we aren't supposed to worry about tomorrow or the next day.  First, we are to seek God and His will for our lives and He promises to take care of the rest.  So I'm going to try to make my world smaller ... just today, just right here, just what I can be in charge of ... and look for ways to be silly and giggle.  That's one thing we big people can learn from little people!

Here's a perfect example of a shift of perspective:  learning from the little people...

I wanted to take a couple of pictures with the girls and some tiny produce we have.  We had one last mini-zuchinni and a tear-drop-eggplant from our garden, plus it's the wonderful season of itty-bitty clementine oranges.  Perhaps a perfect photo-shoot with my own tiny produce! :)  Or, maybe not.  More like typical snapshots of my life!

"Put them up where I can see them, please."

"Okay ... down a little bit."

"Yeah ... that's about right."  sigh...

Today's Ringleader of Silliness!

How will you get silly ... and get the giggles today?


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Check out this week's KEBL ... really get your hands into it! :)