The Pendulum Swing

Every day I make about a zillion decisions.  Some for me and some for the little people who follow me around all day.

Cereal or toast?
Milk or juice?
Shower or bath?
Shorts or capris?
Tank-top or t-shirt?
Laundry or vacuuming?
Play a game or build Legos?
Phineas & Ferb or Cosby Show?
Play with sissies or play alone?
Mac-n-cheese or snacky plate?
Read a book or take a nap?
Run errands or stay home?
Time-out or let it go?
Eat veggies or no dessert?
Goodnight Moon or Freight Train?
Red wine or white?
Arrested Development or Psych?
Read or sleep?

Day after day ... decision after decision.  Ho-hum choices, one after another.

Then one day, along comes a hefty decision.  A decision that makes you pause and ponder and puzzle over it.  A decision that isn't as easy as choosing pancakes or flip-flops or ice with your water.  A decision that has many facets and many possible outcomes.  A decision that effects your life, maybe not forever, but certainly for the foreseeable future.

I recently was faced with just such a decision.   I was approached by a friend about the prospect of watching her little girl when Mommy goes back to work.  In the face of this decision, I experienced the full-spectrum pendulum swing of thoughts, feelings and desires.  (Most of them in the first hour and twenty-seven minutes after her phone call.)

Back and forth ... back and forth.

What fun to have a little baby again!

Whew ... a little baby.  Again.

Little parts to admire.

Little diapers to change.  Again.

Reasons to hang on to some of the baby toys.

We were officially moving 

on from baby toys.

We have all the baby gear still.

We were looking forward to

 clearing the garage of the baby gear.

The kids would love it!

The kids already keep me busy.

A paycheck.

Getting a paycheck?  

That actually sounds nice.

I'm already doing the Mommy-thing.

I was looking forward to 

doing more of a Me-thing.

I was going to volunteer in the schools more.

Fridays are great days to volunteer!

It would be a blessing for the baby.

It would be good for Lydia.

An answer to a prayer for them.

An answer to a prayer for us.

Hmmm ... it would appear that my pendulum finished it's wide arc and settled there in the middle ... where pendulums typically rest.  After all the swinging back and forth between pros and cons, costs and benefits, I was finally able to see past my own selfness and doubts and see God's hand in the midst of it.  And find rest there, too.

I think that is the way that God intends us to make life-choices.  He doesn't want us to just jump in with a "yes" or a "no" - He wants us to make an informed and intelligent decision.  He doesn't want us to get muddled in the "what if's" of the problem - He wants us to take the available info at hand and make the best decision we can.  He doesn't want us to wrestle with it on our own - He wants us to pray about it, seek His plan and let Him enlighten us to the right choice.

And when we arrive at the point where the pendulum has paused, we know that we will find peace.  That will be proof that we have heard God correctly concerning His plan for our energy, time and gifts.  It doesn't mean that we won't still wonder if we're making the right choice, but we won't find ourselves wrestling, but instead, surrendering.  Again.

I don't doubt that I will have moments of, "What was I thinking?!?", when this little peanut comes to visit.  But I also have confidence that this is God's plan for right now and He will continue to give me the peace and perspective and power to do the job well.

At least, until another decision comes along ...
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Today is Baby S's first day with us.  We are starting in slowly with just the afternoon together - so we can warm up to each other.  It ought to be an adventure ... time to pull out the baby stuff!