Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Forgiveness. Show all posts

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

It Takes Two...

"You're sure you don't mind running out?"

Maggie was already pulling on her grey peacoat and wrapping a long turquoise scarf around her neck.  "Of course not. I'll just pop down to the corner market. You can't very well have cinnamon rolls without cinnamon!" She laughed and tugged an old felt hat over her unruly curls and then, tucking the cuffs of her pajama bottoms into her boots, she peered up at her sister and grinned. "Is there anything else we need? You do have coffee, right?"

Elsa nodded and silenced the timer on the stove. Pulling on oven mitts, she reached into the oven to pull out her grandmother's ceramic bowl; the warm yeasty bread rising up above the surface and pressing against the blue-checked tea towel she had draped over the top.  "I went to the store after my tiff with Rob and I guess my mind was elsewhere. He just made me so mad..." Her voice trailed off prompting a sympathetic squeeze from her sister. Elsa shrugged and let out a long sigh. "It's really not a big deal. Listen, if you hurry, I'll have the dough rolled out and ready for the good stuff when you get back. I have a couple dollars in my purse, if you need it."

"Don't be silly. I got paid yesterday and after paying the rent, I think I have just enough money leftover for a jar of cinnamon," Maggie teased. "I'll be back in a jiffy!"

As the apartment door slammed shut, Elsa opened the cupboard door and gathered the other ingredients she needed in order to make their mother's famous cinnamon rolls.  Lining up the brown sugar, butter and raisins, she flipped on the radio before dipping her hands into the dented canister and sprinkling the countertop with a generous dusting of flour. Singing along with Ella Fitzgerald, she dumped out the warm dough onto the floured surface and kneaded out the air bubbles, the familiar yeasty fragrance filling her nostrils.

For a moment, Elsa was transported back to her childhood kitchen, covered in flour up to her elbows and helping her mother roll out the dough for their Saturday morning breakfast.  Cartoons blared from the living room and her mom hummed, "I Can't Stop Lovin' You," while she worked the dough.

"You know, Love," she murmured to her oldest daughter. "Bread is the perfect food to prepare when you're working through a problem. Bread dough loves to be pounded on and pushed around. Work out your frustrations on a lump of dough and you'll feel better."

Elsa smiled at the memory. Knowing her dad, the girls' mother had plenty of frustrations to work out. That's probably why Mom made cinnamon rolls every Saturday. To push around and pound on the dough instead of Dad. In spite of his faults, her mother had stood by him through all those years, even with his conspiracy theories and irrational fears making work hard to find and even harder to keep. Unbidden, her thoughts floated back to her argument with Rob, stirring up a familiar dialogue. So, he forgot our date. He said he was sorry, right? Yes. But this wasn't the first time he'd missed an engagement. Well, last time you gave him the wrong restaurant. But he didn't have to be so rude about it yesterday. Flouring her rolling pin, Elsa pummeled the sweet dough and was surprised to find that with each roll, she felt some of the tension leave her shoulders.  He did text this morning with new reservations. Proof, I suppose, that he wanted to make it right. Once the dough was pressed into a thin rectangle, Elsa slathered butter over the smooth surface, turning the spatula back and forth. I guess it was all just a messy misunderstanding. I should let it go, but...

She was shaken from her thoughts by the rattling of Maggie's keys in the door. "I'm back! Did you miss me?" she hollered. Thumping the jar of seasoning on the counter, she unwrapped her warm layers and grinned, her nose and cheeks pink from the frosty morning air. "It smells good," she quipped as she pinched off a piece of dough and popped it in her mouth. Elsa playfully slapped her sister's hand away, scolding her with a look learned from their mother. Maggie laughed and tucked her legs up under herself, perching on the kitchen stool to watch her sister work.

After a generous layer of brown sugar, a sprinkling of raisins and a heavy dusting of the recently fetched seasoning, Elsa rolled up the dough, sliced it into hearty rolls and popped them into the oven. "Do you want a cup of coffee while we wait? It'll be a spell for them to rise and bake." At a nod from her sister, Elsa filled a mug with fresh coffee and slid it across the countertop, picking up the new jar of seasoning to put away. She paused. "Uh, oh. This isn't cinnamon, Maggie." Her younger sister snatched it from her hand and squinted at the label.

"Chicken jerk? Oops. Well, uh, they'll be spicy!"

Elsa clasped her hand over her mouth to stifle her laughter. "You really need to wear your glasses when you shop!"

"You could have read the label, too. Where are your glasses?"

"Shush. Can you pass me the phone."

"Who are you calling at this hour?"

"Rob. You just reminded me that it takes two to make an accident."


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A flash-fiction piece inspired by The Great Gatsby quote, "It takes two to make an accident." And also inspired my very own kitchen-catastrophe when I really did mistake chicken jerk for cinnamon in a batch of cinnamon rolls. That spicy accident ended up in the trash, but not without teaching me a lesson about reading labels carefully!

Sunday, October 9, 2011

I Heart You

We were supposed to be headed out the door for school.  Instead I was headed upstairs to quickly brush my fuzzy teeth and grab my glasses.  At the landing I spotted the hand mirror from my bathroom face down in the carpet.

"Girls!  If you borrow something, please put it away when you're done!"

My little shadow, Ashley, stooped down and scooped up the mirror, "Sorry, Mom.  Uh-oh."

As she turned the mirror over, three jagged cracks in the face of the mirror refracted the light sharply.  I blew a lungful of air out of my pursed lips and rolled my head from side to side.  I could feel the tension building up in me.  Ashley handed me the fractured mirror and I tossed it in the trash as I headed into my bathroom.  She didn't follow me past my bedroom door.

I squirted a pea-sized amount of toothpaste on my toothbrush and began working through my frustration on my teeth and gums.

"Sorry, Mommy."

The little voice behind me belonged to Norah.  As she stood there on the threshold of my bathroom, her face was flushed with embarrassment and anxiety.  I could almost see her little broken heart hammering against her ribcage.  The words of apology came spilling out ...

"I didn't see it laying there ... I stepped over it, or I thought I stepped over it ... then I heard a crunch ... I thought it was, uhmm ... I didn't mean to ... it wasn't on purpose ... I ... sorry, Mommy."

I continued brushing my teeth and put one finger up, asking her to wait.  As I turned back to the sink, I was grateful that my mouth was occupied as it meant that I had a few moments to think before I spoke.  If left on my own, I would have allowed my own words to spill out.  Hurtful words of accusation and judgement.

"Take care of my things!  Respect what isn't yours!  Be responsible!  Don't step on my stuff!"

With my mouth full of toothpaste, God gave me 3.8 seconds to remember back to a time when, as a child, I blew it.  A silly practical joke involving our old bathroom, lights that you could turn off with a chain and a door I thought I could unlock with a straightened out paperclip.  A silly practical joke that made my dad mad.  A silly practical joke that still hangs over my head as I time when "sorry, Dad" didn't cut it.

I turned back to my Norah who was still standing at the doorway; hopeful, guilty, remorseful.

... sigh ...

"I forgive you, Sweetie.  Please be careful with the stuff that belongs to other people."

As she backed out of my embrace, her color had returned to normal and her heart-rate had slowed.  She smiled shyly with relief.

"Here, Mommy, you can have my mirror."

There was another little voice behind Norah and into the bathroom walked Ashley with her little hands outstretched.



What was more important?  An old mirror?  Or an intimate relationship with my daughters?  I now have a little, tactile reminder of the obvious choice.

"I Heart You"

God gave His children, the Israelites, similar reminders of His goodness, faithfulness and love.  For example, when the Israelites were finally crossing the Jordan River after forty years of wandering in the desert, God gave them an interesting job.  He instructed them to assemble a pile of rocks which they were to gather from the dry riverbed when He parted Jordan River for them to cross through.  These rocks were to be stacked on the Promised Land-side of the river as a lasting reminder of God's strength and power.  In the Old Testament book of Joshua, we read,

20 And Joshua set up at Gilgal the twelve stones they had taken out of the Jordan. 21 He said to the Israelites, “In the future when your descendants ask their parents, ‘What do these stones mean?’ 22 tell them, ‘Israel crossed the Jordan on dry ground.’ 23 For the LORD your God dried up the Jordan before you until you had crossed over. The LORD your God did to the Jordan what he had done to the Red Sea when he dried it up before us until we had crossed over. 24 He did this so that all the peoples of the earth might know that the hand of the LORD is powerful and so that you might always fear the LORD your God.”  (Joshua 4:20-24)


To some, those rocks would just be rocks.

But to God's children, those rocks said, "I Heart you."

How is God reminding you of His love today?  
Keep your eyes open ... His reminders are all around you!

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31 Days of Mom in the Midst
Day 6:  Me, Myself & I

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Mercy Me

Apparently on one particular day last week, my big girls were malfunctioning.

Shorting out.  Over-heating.  Needing to be re-booted.

Normally Norah and Ashley get along rather well.  With each other and with me.  On this day, however, we were experiencing all sorts of issues.  Whining, wimpering, warring and weirdness.  It wasn't pretty.

I put up with it for a bit, attributing their wonkiness to a lack of sleep, a need for a snack, too much time together or maybe needing some Mommy-time.  But then they each crossed that final line between "Maybe you're just tired" and "What's your deal?!"

As they barged into the kitchen, shoulder to shoulder, each trying to yell out their complaint louder and more plaintively, my patience wore out.

"That's enough!  Both of you need to pick out a job from the Great Learning Box.  Now.  Quietly.  If I hear one more squeak out of either of you, you will have another job.  Got it?"

Sniffle, sniffle, sniffle ... from them.

Grumble, grumble, grumble ... from me.

I turned back to the sink full of dishes and practiced my deep breathing, rolling my head from side to side like Rocky Balboa coming out of the boxing ring.

They sheepishly retrieved the striped box from the counter and reached in.  Norah pulled out, "Straighten the laundry room" and headed off to tidy up shoes and re-hang sweatshirts.  Ashley carried her folded piece of paper to me, lower lip pouting and eyes downcast with little tears still hanging on her eyelashes.

"Can you read mine, Mommy?"

I slipped my hands out of my yellow rubber gloves and unfolded her little scrap.

"Mercy."

...sigh...


More than anything in the world, I wanted to tell my little missy to reach back in there and pull out a good one!  I wanted her to have to pay a little for her complaining.  I wanted her to experience a bit of a sting for her whining.  I want her to have a consequence that would cause her to think twice before she tattled again.  I wanted punishment, retribution and justice.  All because of a little five-year old's skirmish with her sissy.

But that little piece of paper has a big job.  It's there to remind me that God doesn't require punishment, retribution or justice of me when I make a mistake.  When I whine, complain or grumble, God is rich in His mercy towards me and in the same way He calls me to extend that same mercy to those around me.  Especially my brawling babies.

There is a specific verse from the Old Testament book of Micah that addresses this.  In chapter three, God instructed His prophet to write this:

8 He has shown you, O [Mommy], what is good. 
   And what does the LORD require of you? 
To act justly and to love mercy 
   and to walk humbly with your God.

(That "Mommy" reference is my addition, just FYI.)

Even though my little LeLe had broken a house rule (or two, or three, or four, or five ...), this was a teachable moment for me to extend to her mercy and show her a first-hand example of what God's mercy looks like when we come to Him seeking forgiveness.

God does not hang my mistakes over my head, punishing me every time I miss the mark.  If I come to Him in confession, He has a beautiful promise for me nestled in Psalm 103:


11 For as high as the heavens are above the earth,
   so great is his love for those who fear him;
12 as far as the east is from the west,
   so far has he removed our transgressions from us.
 13 As a father has compassion on his children,
   so the LORD has compassion on those who fear him;


Because of Jesus' willingness to die for my sins, I am extended mercy in place of punishment when I do the wrong thing.  And He has compassion on me because I am one of His children who honors Him.  This is wonderful for me to receive ... but not so easy sometimes for me to extend.

I endured a fierce two-second struggle standing at the sink staring at that word: "Mercy."  Punishment or grace?  Judgement or forgiveness?  Consequence or mercy?

... sigh ... again ...

"Okay, Honey ... please go upstairs and play quietly.  And please try to be good to your sister when she's done with her job.  Thank you."

That was a tough one.  It would have felt more satisfying, perhaps, to see her spot cleaning the floor as her consequence, but it was a bit more godly to give her mercy instead.  And her teary smile and hug was a lot more fulfilling than a clean floor.

Of course, being a five-year old meant that before the end of the day she was back at the Great Learning Box and I still got my kitchen floor scrubbed, but not before she saw a little bit of God's goodness and mercy from her Mommy first.