Standing in the back of the kitchen cupboards, quietly hidden. A sensation pricked him like needles, urgent and all but discovered. No noise, carefully still. A child peering in shouted, "Found him!"
Relief.
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Linking up with Trifexcta: 33 words to tell a story only using words from the page below.
Thank you - on reading through the excerpt, the words "prickling", "sensation" and "hiding" all jumped out at me ... and memories of hiding and longing to be free of a cramped hiding place wrote the rest!
Thank you! I tend to steer away from too much doom and gloom. And with the many, many hide-n-seek games that take place in our home, I had plenty of inspiration!
I'm all about the kid stuff so, believe me when I tell you that I appreciate the lengths you went to make this scene simple yet, full, at the same time. Adults don't often write children well but, you did! Thanks for going where you went.
Oh you did VERY well there!
ReplyDeleteThank you - that was hard! My brain kept wanting to use words that were not to be found, resulting in feverish tweaking!
ReplyDelete"...urgent and all but discovered." Lovely.
ReplyDeleteThank you ... I struggled with that line because I really wanted there to be a "be" in the writing. Little tweaks and twists to make it work.
Deletehaha you did a wonderful job with this ^^
ReplyDeleteThank you - this was a definite challenge, but satisfying to see it come together.
DeleteHaha, nice twist! :)
ReplyDeleteThank you ... we have a lot of hide-n-seek in our house, so it came from real life experiences!
DeleteThis is great! (: I love it so much--all the whole jumbled words fit so well together.
ReplyDeleteThank you - I felt the phrasing was stilted as a result of the limited words, but a little childlike, too.
DeleteHide and Seek - what an interesting use of the words Morgan - light and airy - enjoyed, :-)
ReplyDeleteThank you - on reading through the excerpt, the words "prickling", "sensation" and "hiding" all jumped out at me ... and memories of hiding and longing to be free of a cramped hiding place wrote the rest!
DeleteWow! This is a fun story and an amazing reformation of the words.
ReplyDeleteThank you - it was certainly a challenge, but I was pleased with the result.
Deletevery nice! I enjoyed seeing you shape the words into a completely different kind of story. -j
ReplyDeleteYes - the original excerpt was so dark and sad. My brain went in a completely fresh direction! Thanks for your kind words.
DeleteGreat idea!
ReplyDeleteThank you! It was fun and challenging all at once!
Deletethis is great - who among us hasn't played hide and seek and feared being the forgotten one.
ReplyDeleteexactly! Or worse yet, found ourselves horribly uncomfortable and unable to stretch an arm or a leg for fear of giving ourselves up!
DeleteBeautiful! I really liked the lightness of this piece.
ReplyDeleteThank you! I tend to steer away from too much doom and gloom. And with the many, many hide-n-seek games that take place in our home, I had plenty of inspiration!
DeleteThat's great! Much lighter than many of the other pieces. Refreshing!
ReplyDeleteI'm all about the kid stuff so, believe me when I tell you that I appreciate the lengths you went to make this scene simple yet, full, at the same time. Adults don't often write children well but, you did! Thanks for going where you went.
ReplyDeleteA great use of your chosen 33 words.
ReplyDeleteThis is so cute-loved the way you led the reader to the surprise end Morgan:-)Great piece.
ReplyDeleteTerrific rendition of hide and seek! Great job.
ReplyDelete