Seeking woman to step-in to fill tired mother's shoes.
Roles include: washing dishes; sorting, loading, folding laundry; housework (dusting, vacuuming, cleaning bathrooms); locating lost shoes, gloves, iPods, library books, hair clips, watches, PlayMobile people, Play-doh extruders, Barbie shoes, Lego pieces, doll hairbrushes, etc.; shopping for groceries; sorting mail and school papers; scanning mementos; organizing precious memories on the computer; and other responsibilities as needed.
Required skills: ability to multi-task; passion for re-tidying rooms multiple times a day; sense of humor (see previous skill); an affinity for Hannah Montana, Tobymac and Gypsy Kings (sometimes playing simultaneously); computer literacy and desire to categorize mountains of mementos, photos, videos; a penchant for organizing closets, pantries, junk drawers, Lego bins, dressers, toy bins, bookshelves, etc.; and tolerance of unending, mundane conversations regarding video games and/or football games.
Salary: while the pay for this position is non-existent (with possibility of securing room and board in exchange for services rendered), you will enjoy the satisfaction of knowing that your labors allow the actual mother to rejuvenate and enjoy her role as "Mommy". Imagine the pleasure you will experience walking into the living room (lugging vacuum and broom behind you) to find "Mom" laughing with her youngest as they read Hop on Pop for the fourth time that morning, or catching a glimpse of "Mom" beating her oldest daughter in another game of Cribbage. Visualize the joy of the middle daughter reveling in her mother's attention, instead of competing with multiple bags of groceries. No salary could compare with the gratification of knowing that your seemingly futile efforts to keep the kitchen floor clean allows a young mother a knock-out punch in a Wii boxing match with her son.
Must be petite with long, wavy, blonde hair and glasses. Please send photo to verify similarities in appearance. Employer will provide uniform: jeans, typical mommy-blouse (complete with questionable stains) and comfortable running shoes.
Idle applicants need not apply.
Linking up with Trifecta: 33-333 words inspired by the single word idle (shiftless, lazy).